A Natural Family

love,
K, J, and Emmett Adu.

(Pictures to the left are of the village where Emmett Adu was born.)
A couple of people have specifically asked about the birth family visit. For whatever reason (I have some theories), this seems to be the part that terrifies people the most about our trip. Information usually distills fears, so here is a bit of information. As most of you
know... my whole masters thesis was on racial identity development in transracially adopted kids. During the reading for that paper, it became very clear that the most under-represented, misunderstood, little talked about member of the adoption triad is the birth family (or more specifically birth parents). It is really for the health of all of the people involved in an adoption (child, birth parents, and adoptive parents) that this meeting between adoptive parent and birth parent (and hopefully child) takes place. It allows for asking of questions, getting some answers, and alleviating fears. How else will we know what the day of his birth was like? How else will he know how his first mother laughs or what his first father liked to for fun? How else will she know that the people who are taking him, her sweet boy--her only child, to a land far away actually love him and will take care of him? How else will we be able to make peace with the process?

So, as you can see, even though it is daunting... it is SO necessary. It is so important to maintain as much contact as is possible with an ocean separating us. Because you see, we have a whole new extended family now.

J and I have decided to call them his 'first family.' It somehow seems more respectful and mindful of them than birth family. They have done more than give him birth. They agonized over a difficult decision for over two months before making an adoption plan. And, if we have shared with you the circumstances leading that plan, you are one of a lucky few--as that is a story we won't be telling anymore. When Emmett Adu is old enough, he will know and he will be able to decide when and where he shares that information. Because, as much as it has become part of our stories, it is his story.

We are only allowed to take two things to the first family for our visit. One of which we are still working on... We take a photo album including the pictures we have of him, some of our home, and some of our family. This facilitates some conversation and these may be the only pictures she has of her son. Second, we take a letter to her--telling her about us, about our hopes for him, and ... (we'll see...). This has probably been one of the most challenging things.