A Natural Family

All said and done, the adoption will probably run about $23, 000.

It is weird for people to talk about money. It is okay for people to talk about socio-economic status, poverty, and/or greed, people who are ‘rich’, and those who are wasteful. Upon looking back at the list I just typed, it seems that it is okay to talk about money in the extremes and always in vague terms, but never exact dollars and cents. Why? It makes people uncomfortable. It makes me uncomfortable. I start comparing myself to others. They have more than me. What does that mean about me? They have less than me. What does that mean about me? About them?

What does this have to do with our adoption, exactly? Well… something.

First, it has been pointed out on a couple of blogs that I read that a prospective adoptive parent enters into an abyss wherein agency fees, country fees, and a few other fees are presented up front, but no one can tell you the exact cost of the adoption you are pursuing because there are all sorts of little fees that add up and these fees are always subject to change. This is a bit daunting (especially for graduate students). But, because the costs are nebulous and because people don’t really feel comfortable talking about money, adoptive parents can become somewhat isolated with this big burden. Yes, adoption is a choice. We take on these fees willingly and with eyes wide open. However, having multiples because you chose to use fertility drugs is also a choice. Choosing to be Pro-Life without any concern for what happens to the children after they are born is also a choice. So, just as these parents (parents of multiples and parents who forego abortion) are often helped with free-bees, monetary support, and social support during pregnancy and after birth, adoptive parents should be helped as well!

Second, this adoption process has forced us, in particular, to really examine our spending habits and develop (and stick to) a budget that works for us. Yay Burtons!

So what??? What can anyone do about it?

Here is a list (most of which is borrowed from this site) of ideas to help adoptive parents:

• Be educated about adoption so that you will be able to give appropriate emotional support to adoptive parents and baby. There are tons of books out there. Adoption is a Family Affair: What Relatives and Friends Must Know has been recommended.
  
• Give cold hard cash (or check).
• Offer a no fee (or low fee) loan
• Participate in Fundraisers/Patronize Adoptive Family’s Side Businesses: Babysitting or SAT prep classes anyone?
• Help with travel.
  o Miles/points/rewards can be donated. Good audio-visual equipment can also be used to document the trip and meeting with child’s birth family.
• In-Kind donations
  o Books for adoptive parent or baby’s library
  o Pass along savings: Coupons anyone?
  o Hand-me downs : Here is a shout-out to a family at our church who donated pretty much and entire nursery to us! Crib and dresser (along with tons of other stuff) taken care of! Thank you Haumans.
  o Be a work out buddy!: Pregnant moms-to-be naturally adapt to carrying heavy loads over a 9-month period. And, they continue to develop their carrying muscles as children grow from teeny tiny newborns to larger kiddos. Adoptive mothers, on the other hand, don’t have mother nature forcing their bodies into shape and often find themselves pulling muscles or seriously injuring their backs shortly after placement. Yoga, strength training, or outdoor activities are great.
  o Indulgences: Most adoptive parents have given up most of life’s little luxuries (movies, eye-brow waxing, pedicures, eating out, etc…). Treating them is one good way to show your solidarity.
  o Thoughtful notes—always appreciated. The wait can be long and a reminder of the end goal is helpful!
  o Prayers—for a trouble-free, speedy process. For health and safety of the baby and birth family.

***Disclaimer: This post was not meant to bully anyone into helping us! It was just written to inform people of the high monetary cost of adoption and suggest ways for people who aren't adopting to support people who are!