Fate or What??
5:09 PM Edit This 10 Comments »
My most recent thoughts about Baby B center around the idea of 'fate.'So many aspects of the adoption process are completely and utterly random. From what I understand, there are stacks of parent applications and (sometimes) stacks of kids and whichever parent and kid happens to be on the top of the stack get matched together and so on down the line. There is no thought given to personality or temperament. Only to requirements laid out in the parents' home study: age, sometimes gender, and number of kids requested.
As many of you know, I am Christian, but not necessarily the type that feels that God is overly involved with every aspect of my individual life. (Explanations of that are better had face-to-face or not at all :)) So, when I hear things like "The perfect one for you just isn't ready yet," or "Just wait. You will know that your child was just meant to be with you," it makes me pause and think. This also comes into play when we receive information about children who fit our homestudy criteria (infant) that are waiting because of inconclusive test results. Should we trust the random process? By pursuing a match with the waiting child, are we abandoning the child that we would have been 'perfectly' randomly matched with? By going with the waiting child are we messing with 'His timeline' or following down a path that we already feel is aligned with the principles that we have chosen to live by? Or, better yet, did we receive word of this waiting child because he or she is the perfect one for us? Should I take the bits of information about him or her that are appealing to me and recognize those bits as 'signs' that this child was meant to be part of my family?
Let me tell you... it is hard to look at a picture of a beautiful baby and think... "Are you mine?"
Note to mother(s): Yes, I do believe God has a plan for our lives and no, I am not saying that your words of encouragement weren't helpful. They definitely were!! This blog is just a forum for me to air my thoughts...
Another note to mother: Maybe I should just use 'Can she fit in the dress?' as criteria for evaluating waiting babies??? !! :)
10 comments:
I so get this. I tried to explain why checking the boy/girl/no preference box took me two days and made me cry. I was afraid taking that decision into my own hands was disrespectful to God. What I learned, and keep learning is, that control and choices are not the same thing. I have to pray and make the best choice I can, but that doesn't mean I've controlled anything. I too pause sometimes at the "you'll get the child you are supposed to get" comments, but I think they ring true in the sense that this is as much about a child finding a family as it is us finding a child. God is looking out for everyone. Is he handpicking our child...a lot of people tell me yes...I'm with you...I don't know if that's exactly the way it works...can't wait to find out!
Karen Lykins
Kat,
I found your blog while looking at Jessica Moore's blog. Glad to see you are well.
Jamie Woods Custer
I had a hard time with those comments as well - I totally know where you are coming from when you talk about the 'messing with God's plan' fears. So if you are considering a waiting child, maybe pray about it. Listen for God to tell you, too guide you.
Not that I can't recommend the random version....you see how well it worked for us! I look at Maren sometimes and find it hard to believe that temperament, etc wasn't taken into account - she's such a perfect match with us. I have said often that we couldn't have borne a more perfect child for our family!
It's such a mind game isn't it? Thanks for sharing it all, good and hard. I don't think you chose the easy way at all. Thanks for letting me wait with you!
Karen-- so good to hear from you. how's the wait for your baby from china coming along? look forward to meeting up some day!
Holly-- if there were ever a case of the kid and family being a perfect match, it is definitely you guys! Maren is awesome. We had so much fun with her on Friday.
Jessicca-- wish you weren't on the other coast and we could talk over coffee. we are thinking about a trip to CA sometime soon (our godbaby lives in the OC). i'll have to see how far north we can get! :) tell marcus hello for me.
Kathryn,
Thanks for asking about China. All I can say for now is "we wait." Our log-in date is 1-23-06. China has matched babies through 11-21-05. That's only about two months apart, but it's been taking them about a month to do a week's worth of matching. We are anticipating at least six more months before referral. As therapy, I'm going to Great American for my birthday too! Dave Concepcion night on Aug. 25. As Johnny Bench would say "Catch you later."
Karen Lykins
kat:
I found this blog through Jessicca's website...what an amazing journey! It has been almost six years since I left Harding so I don't expect you to remember me, but I wanted you to know I am here reading and following you on this journey!
Analisa (Teter) Jernigan
Analisa! Of course I remember you. So great to hear from you!
Please, please, come north (and west). We're great tour guides and it would be nice to catch up in person.
Dear Kathryn,
I understand what you are feeling; just remember that your mom and I (and hundreds of others) are also praying for this baby - for its health, its care before you receive baby burton, the doctor's that are taking care of baby burton and the mother - the list goes on. I know that when you receive baby burton, there will be so much love for this beautiful child and you will not be thinking about whether or not he/she was handpicked by God - you will only be thanking God for giving you this beautiful baby and how you will love her/him and teach her/him about God and how He blessed you with this baby. I can't wait to love and hold my GRANDbaby :)
Love,
Grandmama Diane
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