The Dad Post
3:50 PM Posted In fatherhood Edit This 3 Comments »
(**Since J is an equal partner in this whole adoption situation, I thought I'd give him an opportunity to guest post. )
Since Kathryn has given me the reins to her blog, I thought I’d write a small post about why I’m terrified of being a father.
You may not be aware of this, but fathers are required to do a lot of crazy things, like mentor their children, take responsibility for the education and growth of their children, spend time selflessly with their children, and always be emotionally available when their children need them. And—this is the part that will really kill you—this is a non-salary position. In fact, fathers typically end up losing money in this deal.
Now, I’m actually in pretty good shape on this last front. I don’t really make a lot of money, so when the little tyke bleeds me dry, it won’t feel like I’m losing much.
I guess the cool part of being a father is all the quiet time I’ll have to myself. Babies spend most of their time sleeping, eating, and pooping, so I’ll probably get a good deal of academic thought done while changing a diaper, washing a diaper, or sterilizing bottles. And, from what I understand, between the ages of 3 and 12, the television and video games will do most of the work—I hear kids really go for that stuff. After 12, I’ve read that children often don’t talk to their fathers for as many as ten years, so that takes a lot of pressure off.
Besides that, all that’s really left is the joy of three people living and growing together, sharing laughs and cries, and trying to be the best individuals and family they can be. The special kind of pleasure one can derive from a delighted child’s giggle, the things a guy learns about himself and his spouse while attempting to raise a child together, the excitement of trying to live up to the lofty expectations of a child. I suppose someone could even say that the hard times will be rewarding as a father learns to be a better person by making myself vulnerable to others and participating intimately in the highs and lows of the lives of two other people.
I mean, if you’re in to that sort of thing. Me? I’m mostly just terrified.
Since Kathryn has given me the reins to her blog, I thought I’d write a small post about why I’m terrified of being a father.
You may not be aware of this, but fathers are required to do a lot of crazy things, like mentor their children, take responsibility for the education and growth of their children, spend time selflessly with their children, and always be emotionally available when their children need them. And—this is the part that will really kill you—this is a non-salary position. In fact, fathers typically end up losing money in this deal.
Now, I’m actually in pretty good shape on this last front. I don’t really make a lot of money, so when the little tyke bleeds me dry, it won’t feel like I’m losing much.
I guess the cool part of being a father is all the quiet time I’ll have to myself. Babies spend most of their time sleeping, eating, and pooping, so I’ll probably get a good deal of academic thought done while changing a diaper, washing a diaper, or sterilizing bottles. And, from what I understand, between the ages of 3 and 12, the television and video games will do most of the work—I hear kids really go for that stuff. After 12, I’ve read that children often don’t talk to their fathers for as many as ten years, so that takes a lot of pressure off.
Besides that, all that’s really left is the joy of three people living and growing together, sharing laughs and cries, and trying to be the best individuals and family they can be. The special kind of pleasure one can derive from a delighted child’s giggle, the things a guy learns about himself and his spouse while attempting to raise a child together, the excitement of trying to live up to the lofty expectations of a child. I suppose someone could even say that the hard times will be rewarding as a father learns to be a better person by making myself vulnerable to others and participating intimately in the highs and lows of the lives of two other people.
I mean, if you’re in to that sort of thing. Me? I’m mostly just terrified.
3 comments:
Clearly, you will rock as a dad.
anytime you want to work on that quiet time theory of yours, just let us know.
....and let us know how that works out for ya :-) - Holly
veeya, eeya, pffllllt - Maren
I don't know when the terror of fatherhood wears off, but it clearly isn't in the year between first and second birthdays.
How on Earth do I know if I am doing this right? I guess, like most of the investments I've made over the years, I'll only know the real damage after a decade or two.
A healthy dose of sarcasm goes a long way to disguise the dread, I find.
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