A Natural Family

(**Since J is an equal partner in this whole adoption situation, I thought I'd give him an opportunity to guest post. )

Since Kathryn has given me the reins to her blog, I thought I’d write a small post about why I’m terrified of being a father.

You may not be aware of this, but fathers are required to do a lot of crazy things, like mentor their children, take responsibility for the education and growth of their children, spend time selflessly with their children, and always be emotionally available when their children need them. And—this is the part that will really kill you—this is a non-salary position. In fact, fathers typically end up losing money in this deal.

Now, I’m actually in pretty good shape on this last front. I don’t really make a lot of money, so when the little tyke bleeds me dry, it won’t feel like I’m losing much.

I guess the cool part of being a father is all the quiet time I’ll have to myself. Babies spend most of their time sleeping, eating, and pooping, so I’ll probably get a good deal of academic thought done while changing a diaper, washing a diaper, or sterilizing bottles. And, from what I understand, between the ages of 3 and 12, the television and video games will do most of the work—I hear kids really go for that stuff. After 12, I’ve read that children often don’t talk to their fathers for as many as ten years, so that takes a lot of pressure off.

Besides that, all that’s really left is the joy of three people living and growing together, sharing laughs and cries, and trying to be the best individuals and family they can be. The special kind of pleasure one can derive from a delighted child’s giggle, the things a guy learns about himself and his spouse while attempting to raise a child together, the excitement of trying to live up to the lofty expectations of a child. I suppose someone could even say that the hard times will be rewarding as a father learns to be a better person by making myself vulnerable to others and participating intimately in the highs and lows of the lives of two other people.

I mean, if you’re in to that sort of thing. Me? I’m mostly just terrified.

Sorry long-time, no post. I am posting a couple of pictures from Thanksgiving. We saw my family for a couple of hours and managed to only take pictures during that time, so... The top one is my dad, brother, and great aunt and uncle. The bottom one is of three of my favorite boys.



Not much news on the adoption front. The referrals are coming which is good. But there seemed to be such a back log from the courts being closed and the Ethiopian holidays, that our wait time will still be significantly extended.

Just to remind you, here are the reasons why the wait time will probably be around 16 months:

1. More and more agencies are being approved to work in Ethiopia. So, as kids become available for adoption, there are more agencies for them to go to which reduces the amount of placements that each individual agency gets... longer wait time.

2. The courts were closed from August through September in to October this year. It was a little bit extra long due to the Ethiopian Millenium celebrations. All the kids who were matched with families prior to that time had to wait until the courts re-opened for the adoptions to be finalized. The courts are just now catching up on processing all of the kids that were referred in September of this year. So, this has caused a longer wait time.

3. We requested an infant. There are fewer referrals for infants which really makes sense if you think about it. Families often try to make it work after having a new baby. Sometimes it isn't until later that their resources run out or they decide that they don't have enough stuff to properly take care of this new family member. Then kids often spend time with other extended family before eventually becoming available for adoption. If we were to have requested a toddler, our wait time would have only been 5 or 6 months!

So, maybe we'll get a summer trip to Ethiopia!!?? It will be wonderful whenever it comes.

In the meantime, I have a masters thesis to finish up. J has a dissertation to write. We have planned a trip to Michigan over Christmas to see some of my lovely cousins and aunts and uncles, as well as my parents and brothers. We'll celebrate our 5th anniversary in January. Travel to California in February, and Searcy in May for Ross's graduation. Busy!

Happy Holidays to all! Hopefully, I'll be back in the blog-posting spirit soon.