Guilt.

12:40 PM Posted In Edit This 5 Comments »
Check this post out. This is a pretty good blog, and I have definitely been thinking about the sentiments this blogger posted about.

http://swerl.blogspot.com/2007/04/are-we-guilty.html

it's almost friday... :)

Basement update

8:42 PM Posted In Edit This 8 Comments »
Our washer and dryer are working! We did our first load of laundry since the flood last night and all went well.

Cloth diapers here we come!

Does anyone have any opinions about cloth vs. disposable diapers? Any success stories or failures? There are so many new cool cloth options, but I know that it is not as easy as just using disposables. I would love to hear your opinions/advice on the subject.

More to Come.

8:40 PM Posted In Edit This 6 Comments »
Hello all. I wanted to let you know that a new post will come shortly... I just have to get my papers for school written. This is exactly why I want to have this degree finished pre-baby!

There are many lurkers reading this blog... if you have been reading, but haven't commented yet... please comment! I would love to know who exactly is out there:)

3 months and counting...

9:52 AM Posted In Edit This 3 Comments »



This is kind of a mile-marker for me. Because our wait time is supposed to be about 12 months, and we have now waited 3 months... it means there are only 9 months left. This is when a person having a biological child would be getting pregnant. She probably wouldn't even know yet.

Free your mind and the rest will follow.

12:25 PM Posted In Edit This 0 Comments »


I am planning on writing a couple of posts on this topic, as it is something that we discussed a lot during our homestudy and we went to a whole conference on it. When we attended the Transracial Adoption conference at St. John's in NYC, there was a mix of people in attendance. A few birth parents, a lot of adoptive parents, many adoptees, and social workers working in the field of adoption were all present. Each party had a very different point of view regarding the adoption process.

The overwhelming feeling from the adult adoptees, most of whom were adopted transracially, was that they did not feel that their adoptive parents prepared them to be people of color in society as adults. They stated that while they lived at home with their white parents, color, of course, did not matter. They felt loved and cared for. Many of them even felt that their adoptive parents did well in talking to them about adoption. However, when they left home to go to college or begin working, the outside world-at-large did not see them as white, or raceless, or colorless. The outside world viewed them as African American, Asian American, Hispanic American. And, when they were unable to blend in with the cultures that come with those labels, they felt like outsiders.

Step 1: Make sure that you are intimately interacting with people from a diverse mix of cultural and racial backgrounds. If you are not doing this, you are communicating something to your child about which people you value. You are also, in a sense, excluding your child from relationship with a group of people that look like him or her. Step 2: Examine your life for latent signs of prejudice and racism including the language you use, the church you attend, the places you shop (or don't shop), etc... Step 3: Become aware of cultural resources in your community, including becoming involved IN the community of which your child's ethnicity will be associated. Step 4: Recognize that our adult associations and stereotypes of people of races different than our own are not to be handed down to our children. Recognize that all children perceive race differently than adults... without all the baggage. Do not gift this to your children. Step 5: Be aware enough to know that racism exists. People with skin that is not white have a different life experience than people whose skin color is white. Your child will at some point be discriminated against because of his or her skin color. He or she must be prepared to deal with that and have tools for defending himself/herself against ignorance. He or she has you (the parent) as a teacher.

There will be more thoughts on this subject. Today is a "rain day," a 'state of emergency' in NJ due to all of the flooding. I just had a couple of minutes for a new post while J was on the treadmill. We are heading over to friend's house to shower and work as our water is not working.

Stay tuned for a post specifically on the history of transracial adoption in the U.S. (it hasn't always been legal...).

The Rains Came Down and the Floods Came Up

12:21 PM Posted In Edit This 1 Comment »

This was our basement at about 11p.m. last night. The landlord said when he came this morning there was about 4 more inches...

Our washer and dryer (yes, that we own...) are sitting on cinder blocks.

Music and Meaning...

10:13 PM Posted In Edit This 2 Comments »













As you might have read on J's blog, we spontaneously went into NYC on Monday night to see the last MTO show ever to take place at Tonic in its current Lower East Side location. I had a couple of thoughts related to our upcoming life with baby during our little trip to the city.

First, wow... will we be able to take spontaneous trips like this when we have an adorable little parasite attached to us? It will be difficult, but I really do think that if anyone can, it will be us. I am fully dedicated to being "those parents." (The ones with the baby at musical events, movies, museums, and cool restaurants.) (I know, I know... this brings a whole other debate up about if having kids in these places ruins the experiences for other people, but that is for another time and place...)

The second, and somewhat more profound, thought I had was while we were at the concert. I have often struggled with bringing another human into the world when there are so many horrible things going on. So many people are intolerant. Wars. Poverty. But, as I was listening to some fabulous music, I was struck by the immense amount of beauty and love there is in the world. I became intensely excited to share experiences of these positive attributes of the world with our baby. Everyone around was so happy. We were happy. Isn't that a great thing to pass on?

Embracing the Future

9:01 PM Posted In Edit This 0 Comments »
So, this weekend my mom came to visit... and we started a BABY QUILT!! Green is pretty gender neutral, especially with the yellow. This is a big step. It is a nine patch pattern with nine squares and it will eventually have a big white border with a little bit of yellow edging. Even if our referral takes a whole 12 months to come... I will be almost to the 9 month-pregnancy wait soon! Nesting, anyone?

The Baby's Age

9:16 PM Posted In , Edit This 1 Comment »
As many of you already know, we have requested to adopt an 'infant.' In the world of international adoption, infant is defined as 0-12 months of age. We requested this age because we want to be part of all of the firsts that our child will go through. We also knew that after this age, language and communication would become more and more of an issue.

Also, it is important to note that the baby will be between 0 to 12 months of age at the time of REFERRAL, not necessarily at the time we go to pick him or her up! There is usually 6 to 10 weeks that passes between when you get the referral and when you travel to pick up the baby. So, the real age range that is probable for our baby when we get him or her home is 4.5 months to 13 months.

I have recently been thinking about how our day to day lives will change once the baby is here. Some days I think I am definitely not ready!! Other days, I look forward to being able to cook for three instead of two, watching our child learn and grow, and getting to experience this new chapter with J. I do have an, probably idealistic, idea about how we will still do all the same things we do now like host weekly parties based around a TV show, take quick weekend trips, and catch a train to NYC without a plan! Basically, I don't want the baby to make us... old... :)

Lucky for us, we know that no matter what age our child is when he or she comes into our family, he or she already has a family and friends waiting. Grandparents, great-grandparents, aunts and uncles will all be around to support us through this transition.

On another subject: I have decided to write my master's thesis on Racial Development in Transracially Adopted Children... My advisor even approved it!