Honestly,

5:28 PM Posted In Edit This 10 Comments »

Honestly, today I am sad. I am sad that I am not pregnant. I am sad that the one thing that is supposed to be so natural was not/is not natural for me. I am sad that I do not know the sex of my baby. I am sad that he or she is thousands upon thousands of miles away from me. I am sad that it will be months upon months before we meet. I am also very sad that I am impatient, that sometimes I do not trust that it will all work out. I am sad that I will have to celebrate more holidays without Baby B. I am sad that J does not get to share this football season with his Baby B. I am mad that I am sad.

10 comments:

Anonymous said...

Oh sweetie, I am sorry that you are sad. It breaks my heart for you to be sad and not to get what you so desperatly want! It makes me sad too. Wish I were there to hold you in my arms. I wish I could make it all better. I wish I knew the words to say, but this time I don't except - I love you! and I hope that helps just a little.
Love mom

Anonymous said...

i hear you.
and i am here for you even if i dont have the best answers
amy

Anonymous said...

I was sad today too. I was happy you had a new blog post, as I stay up alone, way too late, surfing the web for answers it doesn't have. I really like the picture of the painting of the sad lady. Your post did not make me cry (not so hard to do today), but your mom's comment did. I'm sure you'll be a great mom too. Of course, I'm not really sure, because we've never met. But I do check in on your blog because I think its really informative and interesting. Thanks for writing it. I feel less sad now that I'm laughing at myself for writing this. Hope we get kids someday.
-Katy

*K* said...

i should have mentioned that i don't ALWAYS feel this way, but when I do it is pretty important for me to be able to voice it--and have it validated. :)

Anonymous said...

I think these feelings are pretty much the norm from time to time, at least that is what I have heard from others while they were waiting for their adoptive bundle of joy. Remember these last 4 months ( or so) will be the last 4 months of just you and JJ- foreva- so keep having fun!! Definitely do something you won't do with Carol Diane in tow.= but then on the other hand Gma CC will definitely come and stay with her so you and JJ can have some renewed "couple" time. that sounds pretty fun to me!!! be sure to have me on speed dial :)

Jessicca said...

I'm sad with you Kat, and I'm giving you a hug from across the country.

I was just telling Marcus how excited I was for you and J that your referral is getting so close. I know you're excited too, but sad at the same time. It doesn't seem like it should be this way.

Anonymous said...

hey kat, i know this post was some time ago...but i want you to know that im reading it and my heart is going out to you and j. im sending you a big hug from the other side of the world. your posts are moving, honest, and inspirational. your words have encouraged all sorts of dialogue between me and js. i think you are beautiful. much love to you.

Anonymous said...

It is more than ok to be sad. It is ok to be angry. It isn't fair. But unfortunately, some things can't be changed when we want them changed, no matter how much we desparately want them too. Please remember that you have a great deal of people praying for you. We are sad with you.

Josh and Marcie said...

Kat, I am sorry you are sad and I am comforted by your honesty with your sadness. I have not been able to express myself the way you are and I think that is an amazing thing about you. Josh and I are going through the same thing. We are adopting from Vietnam. We have gone through the process for a long time. I would LOVE to talk with you. Keep the faith, we will someday feel so strong because we conquered something so big. It just sucks right now!

Josh and Marcie said...

Kat, I am sorry you are sad and I am comforted by your honesty with your sadness. I have not been able to express myself the way you are and I think that is an amazing thing about you. Josh and I are going through the same thing. We are adopting from Vietnam. We have gone through the process for a long time. I would LOVE to talk with you. Keep the faith, we will someday feel so strong because we conquered something so big. It just sucks right now!